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It is a gray January day. A man wakes up groggy and alone. He hears his front door close.


Notes:

Written for #OneWordPrompt's Winter prompt.

Typeface: TrixiePlain (which is rather funny, if you think about it)

I'm being experimental again.

My favorite version is:

right
i know we met just
to keep
the cold away

i haven't
this isn't
last night
i'd been drinking

wait
will FATE let you stay?
how will i find you
to pay?

tell me
when
the snow melts


The poem can be read top to bottom, left to right:

i haven't this isn't right
i know we met just last night i'd been drinking
to keep the cold away
wait tell me
will FATE let you stay?
how will i find you when the snow melts
to pay?


It can also be separated into several pieces:

right
i know we met just
to keep
the cold away

wait
will FATE let you stay?

how will I find you

i haven't
this isn't
last night
tell me
when
to pay?

i'd been drinking
the snow melts

---

i know we met just last night i'd been drinking
how will i find you when the snow melts

---

From bottom to top:

how will I find you
will FATE let you stay?
wait
the cold away
to keep
i know we met just
right

to pay?
when
tell me
last night
this isn't
i haven't

the snow melts
i'd been drinking



Otherwise, read into it what you will; I had a certain lonely image in mind when I wrote it. I can't really give the poem a "mature content" warning, though, since it isn't -- although it can be interpreted as such.

The wording is supposed to be simplistic to reflect the narrator's state of mind.

As usual, comments & critique are welcome.

Did you read it a certain way?
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-04-17
Whiteout by ~mreid973 Suggester Writes: You might learn more about yourself than the writer with this poem, which invites you to read a great many meanings out of a handful of words. ( Suggested by ShadowedAcolyte and Featured by BeccaJS )
:iconazurenebulae:
AzureNebulae Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is great, I love it! So inspirational~ <3
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013
Thank you.
Reply
:iconazurenebulae:
AzureNebulae Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconkarvamato:
Karvamato Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It's been a long while since I saw this for the first time. I guess I commented back then but I have to say again how freaking much I love this thing. It's wonderful. :heart:
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013
Thank you very much.
Reply
:iconwdnest:
wdnest Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Professional Writer
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013
Neat. Thank you.
Reply
:iconwdnest:
wdnest Featured By Owner May 5, 2013  Professional Writer
[link] Featured here
Reply
:iconphotophobee:
PhotoPhobee Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is so clever!!! c:
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Thank you very much. And thank you for commenting.
Reply
:iconwuestenbrand:
wuestenbrand Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Great Work .. :D ..
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Thank you. I am glad you thought so.
Reply
:iconvividybowski:
ViviDybowski Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013
I love it.
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Wonderful. Thank you.
Reply
:iconlatusal:
Latusal Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013
This is how I read it:

to keep
i haven't

this isn't
right
to pay?

i'd been drinking
away
the cold

tell me
when
the snow melts
how will I find you

wait
i know we met just
last night

will FATE let you stay

:)
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Intriguing stanzas. I like how the thoughts became more fully formed, only to drift back to the basics. Thank you for reading and commenting.
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz: :iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Thank you very much. I appreciate your support.
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconflyingheartsplz::blowkiss::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconlennesaurous:
lennesaurous Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist
What an elegant and inventive way to say so much with so little.
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Yes. I think that about your comment, as well! Thank you for reading. Glad you enjoyed it.
Reply
:icontubamirum:
TubaMirum Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013
keep up the experiments cuz this is kind of awesome!
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Thank you. It has actually been quite a long time since I wrote a visual poem. I recommend people try it, though. It helped me develop a better appreciation for the structure of stories.

Thanks again.
Reply
:iconivyenglishstudios:
IvyEnglishStudios Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This resonated with me, today. Mainly because I lost someone very special.
Thank you for writing it in this manner and sharing it with the world. I am glad it received a DD. ♥
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
I am sorry for your loss, as we all are when anyone loses someone meaningful. I am glad that you got something out of reading this, though; it means a lot to me that you shared your thoughts. Thank you.
Reply
:iconpinkey-pie-69:
Pinkey-pie-69 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
That's so beautiful and sad, I love it.
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Thank you very much.
Reply
:iconnotlockedup:
NotLockedUp Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
Very deep and so simple. Thank you for sharing! :D
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Simple and deep: I like it. Thank you very much.
Reply
:iconnotlockedup:
NotLockedUp Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Student General Artist
No problem. :)
Reply
:icondompteurloup:
DompteurLoup Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I like how it can be read in different ways, and in doing so, get a different meaning across.

Thanks for explaining it could be read differently. I read it from top to bottom like I would anything else.
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
I am glad the explanation helped. I do not like to guide my readers too much. But since they put the effort into reading it, I thought I should at least explain why the poem is just a bunch of text on a white background. Thanks again.
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
Nearly perfect. There is no reason not to favourite this. Stellar job.




:iconlovelyplz:
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
I can think of at least one reason, but I am glad you cannot. Thank you very much.
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Student General Artist
Eh whatever. It's wonderful. You're welcome! :glomp:
Reply
:iconsimplysilent:
SimplySilent Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013
Wow, absolutely amazing work! I love how many different ways it can be read and interpreted :heart: Congrats on the DD! :clap:
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Thank you for reading. And thank you for your kind words.
Reply
:iconsimplysilent:
SimplySilent Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
No problem!
Reply
:iconpoligla:
Poligla Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student Photographer
Wow, I love it!
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Thank you very much.
Reply
:iconjulliesly:
Julliesly Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013
Wow! this is actually pretty cool!!! :D I love the thing you can get different meanings depending on the way you link words... yup, gorgeous!
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Yes, well, I guess so. I am glad people get different meanings from it. Thank you for reading and commenting. And welcome to dA. I hope you meet some nice people, and share your art (whatever kind it may be).
Reply
:iconjulliesly:
Julliesly Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013
:D That was a pleasure, and thank you so much for the welcoming ^^
Reply
:icondreamer-of-magic:
Dreamer-of-Magic Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013   General Artist
Wow. :wow:
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Thank you. Also, interesting assortment of signature quotes.
Reply
:icondreamer-of-magic:
Dreamer-of-Magic Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013   General Artist
:) Welcome! Why, thank you! ;)
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student General Artist
such a cool concept!!!
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
It is. But not as cool as frozen yogurt. Thank you for reading.
Reply
:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Student Writer
I had a similar idea with my poem \"Work". This is a lot better, of course :)
Reply
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013
Maybe it is better. Maybe it isn't. I am not sure what number poem this is (as far as from when I started). But I do know it is old, and I did not think much of it back when I wrote it. After I wrote it, I left it, moved on, and kept writing. I wrote a few visual poems that were better poems--many others that were much, much worse; I still shared these on dA. And, finally, I wrote a handful of poems that were actually good. In fact, some other people found a few of my poems good enough to publish, which is why they are not posted here.

I recommend you do that. Keep writing. Try different styles. Post the good and the bad and the in-between. And, who knows what people will find in your writing that you don't. This is how I ended up with all of these nice comments.

Thank you for reading and commenting. And thank you for writing.
Reply
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January 7, 2010
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